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“You some guy. It s me some girl. I guess we might as well have have a life together we re on a schedule here i m in my mid late 20s you re two years older than me we re at about the same level of attractiveness. We have comparable education.
I need to make and you ll probably do as well as anyone else let s begin this typical courtship process shall we you want sex fine roll around on me for a while whatever gets this moving. I guess we should go to some movies. And maybe. A concert or two that was nice now let s get in a fight and then make up good now let s go camping.
While camping. Let s take some pictures of us camping that we can hang up in our cubicles to remind us of the time we went camping that will be a cherished memory okay i guess it s time to move into an apartment together let s live in this apartment for a year. Let s go to a memorial day barbecue at my parents house good time to get married. When you propose don t try to do anything cute like putting the ring in my wine glass or having a sports mascot bring it to me at a ballgame.
It s all been done before. And you are not a very creative person just get down on the knee and get it over with new year s eve. Works. Fine for me our wedding will take place at year and a half from your proposal.
It doesn t really take that long to set up a wedding. I just want to relish the fact that i am getting married for as long as i possibly can during that time. I will be the center of attention. Sadly.
This will be the highlight of my life. I have no aspirations to write a great book that will change the way people think i don t want to travel the world and witness. The majesty and the adversity of foreign lands. I don t want to dedicate my life to intellectual or philosophical pursuits in an attempt to take my mind places that no one else has ever gone.
I just want to look skinnier in my dress that my bridesmaids okay. That s done after the wedding. I will take a year to reflect upon the wedding soon. Everyone will tire of my wedding.
Talk and i will no longer be the center of attention. It is time for us to buy a house. So that i have something else to talk about it ll be a 3 bedroom ranch home with a semi finished basement. You will turn the basement into a rec room with a bar.
This will be pointless as you will rarely see your friends anymore. And when you do they will have neither the desire nor the time to go down and drink in our basement because they ll have made it to your masculine rec room will soon be cluttered with children s toys and my infrequently used exercise equipment. When people stopped talking to me about our house. I will decide that we should have children.
I will take the fun out of sex by incorporating science and scheduling our intimacy around my ovulation cycle. We will conceive when i am pregnant. I will have something to talk to people about again and everyone will pay attention to me i will act as if i am the first pregnant person ever eventually i will give birth just as billions have done before me our children will be adequate. But not spectacular.
You will want them to be athletes. But they will lack the size and skill. I will want them to be creative. But they will lack the talent and drive.
We will move into a larger house to accommodate our growing family you will build a deck off the back of the house that we will use twice a summer. We will briefly contemplate an above ground pool. But in the end we ll decide against it citing cost and practicality. There will be several dogs we will vacation.
Myrtle beach will be our destination of choice though we will be no strangers to orlando our children will leave and we will move into a condo. Citing cost and practicality. We will retire now the waiting truly begins our children will provide us with unremarkable grandchildren. We will photograph them and discuss them at length.
You will die of heart complications. Your funeral will be relatively well attended and will last for just over one hour following it some of us will go back to the condo. Where there will be a tray of cold cuts for sandwiches. I will remain for eight more years.
Watching television and slipping away into dementia. I will die doctors will call it natural causes but in reality i will have semi consciously willed myself to stop breathing out of boredom and defeat it will be done you can pick me up at 8 00 you ” ..
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“http://www.youtube.com/manintheboxshowrnA comical, cynical cartoon about marriage.”,
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